How parents get rid of guilt 😌

Parental guilt is a common emotion experienced by many parents. It can stem from various reasons such as feeling like you're not doing enough for your child, making mistakes, or not meeting your own expectations. While it's normal to feel guilty at times, it's important for parents to address and manage these feelings.

◾️Characteristics of Parent Guilt

Dr. Romanoff describes some of the characteristics of parent guilt:

📍Feeling like you’re never fully in either parental mode or work mode;

📍Feeling like you’re always doing something wrong;

📍Always having a long to-do list but feeling like you’re only able to do the bare minimum to get by;

📍Feeling as though you’re juggling one too many things;

📍Not being able to enjoy time with your children;

📍Stressing over work and the status of your company/career;

📍Not having any time for yourself;

📍Not being able to do any hobbies or activities you enjoy;

📍Experiencing anxiety or depression;

📍Having trouble sleeping or eating;

📍Feeling tired and stressed all the time;

📍Straining your relationships at home, at work, and with friends.

◾️Causes of Parent Guilt

📍Internal pressures: Parents often have unrealistic expectations of themselves. Having a child is a full-time job on its own. Being a parent while also working is a considerable adjustment and a tremendous load of responsibility that few prior experiences could prepare you for.

📍External pressures: From the outside, there is often tremendous pressure to be the perfect parent. However, many parents find these standards unrealistic and unattainable. This pressure is further compounded by the pressure exerted by employers who expect the same level of work performance from employees, despite the intense stressors and challenges they face as parents. Some examples of external pressures include: culture, family, social media, and parenting experts.

◾️Coping With Parent Guilt

📍Identify your triggers: Pay attention to the automatic thoughts that cause you to feel guilty or judgmental towards yourself. Identifying the triggers for your guilt can help you get a better handle on them.

📍Reframe your thoughts: If you notice unhelpful thoughts that are making you feel guilty, make a conscious effort to reframe them in a more positive manner. For instance, instead of feeling guilty while you’re at work, tell yourself: “I am working to support my child.”

📍Recalibrate your expectations: There may be certain things you aren't able to do, due to constraints on your time and energy. Recalibrating your expectations and accepting the limits of what you can do can help you feel less guilty.

📍Focus on being present: Focus on being present wherever you are. For instance, when you are with your children, focus on enjoying your time with them and when you are at work, focus on getting your tasks done.

📍Build a support system: Instead of isolating yourself, find a supportive community of friends and family members to lean on. Ask for their help when you need it.

📍Avoid comparisons: Comparing yourself to other parents is a fruitless exercise. Instead, it may be helpful to join a support group of parents with similar circumstances, as they may be a source of advice, inspiration, experience, and support.

📍Take breaks: Try to give yourself occasional breaks, to recharge your batteries. You can either take 10 minutes to yourself every day or take a day or night off once in a while.

📍Practice self-care: Be compassionate and kind towards yourself. Find ways to prioritize yourself and practice self-care.

📍Seek professional help: If you find that you’re unable to cope and frequently experience feelings of guilt, despair, depression, or anxiety, seek out therapy to help manage your mindset and find a better balance in your life.

Remember that overcoming parental guilt is an ongoing process. Each day is an opportunity for growth and improvement. By adopting a compassionate and realistic mindset, you can gradually reduce guilt and cultivate a healthier and more balanced perspective on parenting.

By Sanjana Gupta